Alright, so did I make myself a priority in my life? Sort of. Haha. I didn't make this blog a priority obviously, but as I am still on the road to making myself a priority, I start anew, yet again...
Reflecting on the past two years, I made some progress in the "me" time. I started jogging, at times it is a regular activity and at other times (like the past 7 months) it is an activity I only think about. I lost weight, landed my dream job, lost my dream job, went to a self-help group for divorced men and women, started dating, fell into a relationship, and got knocked out by the break-up -- and now here I am realizing my life-long patterns in relationships, still struggling with my ex-husband and moving to a new phase of parenting: the teen years (ugh!)
Life is a journey as they say, and I am looking at one aspect of my journey with new eyes: self-love. Yeah, yeah, we all read the blurbs about self-affirmations, self-esteem, self-sabotage. Deep down, I think we may all know that life is a journey toward self-love but how many of us truly seek this? I know I haven't. Isn't being a good person, a good mother, a good teacher enough? No, not really. My resolution two years ago to make time for myself was a step in the right direction, but it was just skimming the surface. It has taken yet another failed relationship for me to realize I am still seeking validation from outside sources. I rely on friends, lovers, bosses, co-workers, family members and even complete strangers to give me feedback on how they view me and then I alter my view, mood, confidence, and basically my self-worth on their opinion. I try not to judge others and yet I am so quick to judge myself. I try to forgive others and yet am very unwilling to forgive myself. I apologize easily to others, but rarely apologize to myself.
I am opening myself up on this journey of "self-love" and let's see what happens.
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